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Health & Fitness

Holiday Armageddon

A fight of a completely different hue erupted this season in Doylestown. The trouble was colored Christmas lights, my friend. And that's Trouble with a capital T!

In the tradition of the Hatfields and the McCoys, the Capulets and the Montagues, the Bloods and the Crips, it was white lights vs. colored lights. One side espoused tradition, elegance and a code of conformity against a rebellion of flash and festiveness instigated by the free-spirited. Each side dug in behind barricades constructed from long-held beliefs of what Christmas is supposed to look like; not just on one's own house, but on the neighbor's house next door and the ones across the street. 

The battlefield was the neighborhood streets. Progress in the conflict was expressed in monetary fines accumulated vs. the number of homes that decided to join The Rebels against The Establishment.  

The Establishment was represented by humorless, dour functionaries draped in flowing robes of white. They stared down from their castle ramparts upon the rebellious rabble, who no longer appreciated the purity and tradition conveyed by their flawless, heaven-like white lights. They persisted in the observance of the community's established Holiday Standard; and they cast judgement on that criminal element who dared challenge the long-held view of White Lights Only! 

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The Rebels scurried about in open defiance, dressed in Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoats. They threw splashes of vibrant color all over the landscape; protested The Law of the Land; and teased the doddering, unflinching Establishment with Christmas landscapes full of color, devoid of white. They egregiously violated the creed of suburban holiday propriety, and responded to all efforts to control them by ratcheting up the assault of reds, blues, greens, purples and yellows. And when The Establishment cajoled, then scolded, then threatened, the Rebels reached for their nuclear option ... the lighted reindeer!

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