Valentine's Day Blues: Keeping Control of Your Emotions and Your Acts

By Ken Lindner The author of Your Killer Emotions: The 7 Steps to Mastering the Toxic Emotions, Urges, and Impulses that Sabotage You (Greenleaf Book Group Press, January, 2013)

“Rainy days and Mondays always get me down!,” is a universal thought and feeling. So are the profoundly powerful feelings of unlovability, sadness, hurt, hopelessness and rejection experienced by those who are “alone” on Valentine’s Day.

I have counseled thousands of individuals over the past thirty years to master their potentially toxic emotions and urges. During this time, one reality has been a constant:  If you make life choices when you, your best judgment, and your evaluative processes are clouded or totally dismantled by your emotions and urges, terrible life choices and significant or irreparable damage to your life, your loved ones, and your career may well be the direct results. So, on Valentine’s Day, it is imperative for you to master your potentially sabotaging emotions and urges.

Here are some tried and true tips for you to rid yourself of your Valentine’s Day blues, which are taken from The 7 Steps of Emotion Mastery that appear in my new book, “Your Killer Emotions: The 7 Steps to Mastering the Toxic Emotions, Urges, and Impulses That Sabotage You.”

1. One means for you to be happy on or around Valentine’s Day, is for you to keep a-top-of-mind all of the beautiful blessings in your life. This act of appreciation and gratitude can help you to stay cool and calm during any sadness or angst that you experience, so that you are better able to think clearly and strategically. Also, strive to stay positive and constructive during any blue Valentine’s Day moments and challenges.

2. Think about and visualize one or two fun, exciting, and/or fulfilling things that you’d like to do on Valentine’s Day.  Then, carefully Choreograph or plan-out the steps that you need to take in order to make your vision a fun/wonderful reality. These acts can psychologically and emotionally jump-start and jettison you out of your Valentine’s Day doldrums.

3. Extend yourself to and/or give something to others who need it: the homeless; the poor; the ill; the elderly, etc. Give your Valentine’s Day and your life more meaning, and experience the empowering feelings of raising your self-esteem by doing things that you feel truly good about and make you proud. In this case, unconditional giving --- can give you a psyche-and soul-nourishing Valentine’s Day jump-start and lift. These endeavors can help you to diffuse or eradicate the negative emotions that have put you in a Valentine’s Day emotional funk.

4. DO NOT make a decision or act when you are overcome with Valentine’s Day toxic emotions!  Always, stop, cool down, and, as they say, “take the pause that refreshes.”  Additionally, DO NOT opt for an immediate, emotional quick fix, response, or retaliation. Oftentimes, we opt for these short-term satisfactions, but in the big picture of our lives, these unthinking, emotion-generated reactions are counter and highly detrimental to accomplishing what we truly want for ourselves in the long term (our Gold Ring Dreams).

5. You should avoid making important or potentially pivotal choices when you are tired, experiencing high levels of stress, or have had too much caffeine. Additionally, you never want to make important choices and/or act when you are under the influence of alcohol or clarity-impairing medicinal or recreational drugs. Your goal is to be cognitively clear and precise when making your choices. Therefore, you want to stay away from anything that can impair your cognitive processes.

6. ALWAYS strategically identify what you truly want in and from the Valentine’s Day choices you’re going to make and any action(s) that you will/may take. Know what you truly value the very most before you make your choices. This way, you will make well-thought-out choices that reflect and effect your most treasured values and goals.

7. Be “Consequence Cognizant.”  This requires you to carefully think about and vividly visualize:

  • The most severe and heinous consequences that a poor/destructive emotionally-charged Valentine’s Day choice on your part can have on your life, your career, and those you love; and
  • The most positive, beneficial outcome(s) that you will secure because you took the requisite time to strategically choose the most constructive course of action.

Your takeaway here, is that many of us will experience potentially toxic/debilitating emotions on Valentine’s Day. I use the word “potentially,” because these emotions are toxic to you, if they trigger destructive and/or self-sabotaging acts on your part.  What you want to do in these instances, is to not emotionally react in these situations, but to instead, strategically and constructively choose your actions. Channel the potential negative energies that you experience into positive endeavors---thereby using your emotions and their energy charges as your valuable allies. The sweet result may well be that you will have an enjoyable and positive Valentine’s Day, and preserve and enhance the things you hold most dear, as well as raise your self-esteem.

Ken Lindner graduated Magna Cum Laude from Harvard University, where his honor’s thesis was devoted to the science of decision-making. He later graduated from Cornell Law School, where he focused on conflict resolution. He currently owns and operates the country’s premiere news and hosting representation firm, Ken Lindner and Associates, Inc.

YOUR KILLER EMOTIONS: The 7 Steps to Mastering the Toxic Emotions, Urges, and Impulses That Sabotage You can be purchased from www.barnesandnoble.com and www.amazon.com


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Lavender Green February 05, 2013 at 07:03 PM
Valentines day is a made up holiday that forces men to run out and buy items so they can appease the high maintenance women in their lives. Real people who look at life realistically realize that every day one should show appreciation and compassion, that when you have people in your lives that are worth being there then you should unconditionally let them know that. Am I speaking with no experience, no, I have been married since 1978, do we run out on February 14th and find some stupid thing to show our love, no because if a relationship is real, and unconditional then every day is a chance to express ones love. I see way to many women get mad when their boyfriend or spouse or what ever forgets or cannot afford some night out flowers and a gift. People don't get caught up in the hype, appreciate the person for who they are, don't try to change them and save yourself grief!


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