Why Having Baby #4 After My Special Needs Daughter was a Great Decision

The decision to have a fourth child after our third was born with special needs — including a variety of medical conditions and severe developmental delays — was a difficult one, but in retrospect a great one. (Not the BEST decision, though, because calling it that would upset some others in the family.)

Many people called me crazy, and sometimes I wondered if I indeed was crazy for thinking that I wanted another child. Ellie, who you’ll be learning all about, is my third child and has a rare chromosome abnormality. She demands a lot of my attention, but I knew in my heart that I wanted more children. I’ve always wanted a large family (I am one of five kids) and I did not want to resent Ellie for stopping us at three kids, so I knew I had to have a little faith and go for number four.

I very clearly remember mentioning to my family that I wanted another, anxious about their reaction. But, like it so often turns out to be, the support was overwhelmingly positive (although I know inside my mother was praying that I could handle it and would have a healthy child). A year later, a healthy baby girl named Delaney blessed us with her presence.

So why was it a great decision? Let me tell you:

1)  I am happy every single day, and thank God every morning, for the blessing of a healthy child. From experience, I know you never really appreciate a healthy child until you have one that is not so lucky. We certainly appreciate our older two, but it is extraordinary seeing Delaney develop.

2) Delaney is teaching Ellie independence. I really think Ellie is learning from Delaney. I see Ellie now breaking new ground by imitating Delaney. (Scary but true, my 10-month-old is teaching my 5-year-old.) And it’s a two-way street; Ellie has taught Delaney a thing or two, too. She taught Delaney how to clap. Anyone that has ever met Ellie knows she LOVES to clap (arguably obsessed with clapping) so Miss Delaney was an early clapper. She’s quite advanced, eh?

3) Delaney is forcing Ellie to grow up and not be so “babied.” I can no longer be consumed with Ellie and all of her issues because I have another demanding child that needs my attention, not to mention my two older ones. This raises the bar for Ellie, who is capable when pushed, and the balance is healthier for our whole family.

4) Delaney has brought so much joy into my older children’s lives. They love, teach, help and accept Ellie for who she is, but they did not get to experience some things that they would with a “typical” little sister, and they — along with my husband and I — are relishing every single step of the way.

5) Revisiting the baby stage has reinvigorated my enthusiasm for my business, Baby Be Hip. I realized we have great products, but also in the back of my mind realized the business needed a little TLC. Now I have a new energy and passion that has been missing for a few years because of other commitments. Baby Be Hip is back and will be better than ever.

6) I am happiest when I am busiest. There have been lots of really happy times in my life, but it just keeps getting better. Now that our family is complete, life is busier than ever, but I’d rather have it this way.

Now I look back and wonder how having a fourth child was even a debate. Perhaps if Delaney wasn’t so easy, my conclusion might be different, but we crossed that bridge after Ellie was born. I’ve learned we can rise up to meet our challenges, pursue our dreams and make the most of what life brings us. And that makes me wonder if I should be thinking about number five …  Just kidding, Mom.