Teaching Your Son To Fish ... So To Speak

I really cannot believe it. I mean, I know he is half his father’s child, too, but it astonishes me that my son somehow got zero of my obsessive compulsive genetics.

I’m a pretty organized gal. I think I have to be. To do well in school, get great grades, participate in four sports and countless academic clubs and groups, I had to be as a kid. I worked hard then, and I work hard now.

Instead of schlepping backpacks, notebooks and sports equipment, I schlep kids, their school bags, and, OK, still a lot of sporting equipment.

Keeping four people on track–from bills for the house, to dentist appointments, doctor’s visits to sports’ practices–the scheduling and organization is endless. Because I am so obsessive about it, it seems I’ve gone a tad overboard with my kids. Instead of teaching them great ways of being organized themselves, I guess I’ve taken it over.

Take my son, for example. I’ve never seen a child so smart, heading into the final weeks of second-grade, yet so unable to care for his own organization. Sure, he does the basics. He can handle his own shower time now. He dresses himself. He even does a pretty steady morning routine, making his own breakfast (yes, it’s a Pop Tart, but you can’t have it all, you know).

However, once he steps off that bus (which he’s grown accustomed to putting himself on if I set a timer), I guess he leaves the organization behind with mommy. Though my son is the youngest you can be in his grade (he misses cut-off for the next class by just three days), he still needs to meet the demands of your basic second-grader. At 7, he should now be acquiring skills such as focus, organizaiton and attention that seem to be a slight bit behind for him.

Don’t get me wrong. Otherwise, the kid seems to be a genius. He aces spelling tests. He reads very well, getting all As (fours at his school) in language arts. He does math without blinking. We never study for it, but he grasps it instantly once explained to him.

Overall, I’m a very lucky mom. I work hard with him on his schoolwork, but he really does shine. Except for those damn organization behaviors … What his school calls "Characteristics of a Successful Learner." This week’s report card came home, accompanied by a call from the school counselor. They wonder, basically, how he is so damn smart but can’t remember to put his book in his bag or grab the math homework worksheet. The same boy that can ace a pop quiz, will also leave his lunch bag on the bus. He just doesn’t seem to have mom’s organizational knack, just yet.

This week, we started a new routine at the house. I’m trying to more closely resemble here what is expected of him at school. I have to remember he is 7 now, and he can make choices for himself. He can pick up after himself. He can clean up the house with us, handle some basic chores and be responsible for his own room, at least.

He now has a list of duties on the dry erase board. He has a new hook for his coat and bag. He has an area to organize his sporting goods (now stuffed with a baseball mitt, batting bag and baseball cap). His teacher, counselor and I are working on his organization skills.

The bottom line? I have to let go. It isn’t something I’m good at when it comes to my kids. But, the more I do for him, the less I’m teaching him to do for himself. Being a hands-on mom can usually be nice, but I can’t be so hands on that I’m organizing FOR him. It is a tough balance, but one I need to figure out.

As the proverb says, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

I suppose it is time for some fishing lessons here.